When you almost lose a child you swear to yourself, to God, to anyone who will listen really that you will never get frustrated again with bad behavior. I remember thinking that I would be so grateful for all Logan’s quirks, his acting out and all the typical toddler madness.
I was wrong.
I AM grateful for his newfound health and his ability to act like a toddler, but that doesn’t mean he won’t infuriate me on a mostly daily basis. That doesn’t mean I won’t gripe about him every now and then and it most certainly does not mean that anyone has the right to tell me that I should be thankful that my child got a miracle and that I don’t deserve my feelings of frustration. I totally get that others are not in the same situation and that other heart babies are passing away every day. I KNOW my child is a miracle. That doesn’t mean I will sail through life letting him do whatever he wants and acting like he is always a little angel. That would be a disservice to society, to Logan and to every person who loves him.
I use my blog and Facebook as my outlet. Why? Because it is all I have in this strange city and because I like to write my experiences down . To be honest, I’ll probably still get frustrated with Logan when we are back in Oklahoma as well. Toddlers are frustrating and maddening little creatures! If I can’t be real and say what most people only say in their minds, then what good comes from it? I hope people see the frustrations I have and that it is normal to want to climb the walls when any toddler is in a bad mood.
Moms and Dads to heart kids need to stop having shame in their daily frustrations. We might have miracle kids, but they are still KIDS…….and we are still human.
You are right!!! I was a CHD child once and I got in trouble … kids are kids … and while as a CHD kid they are going through a different type of childhood they are still going through childhood … being a miracle doesn't always mean acting like one … I'm grateful you posted this!!
Well put! He must grow up to become a productive adult in society…that's your McJobby Job Mamma and you do it so well! Hang in there…crossing my fingers for a visit to T-Town!
–Love Aunt MiMi
Awww…kids are going to be kids and you are going to get frustrated, irritated, and just plain tired…heart mom or not. Hope is still too young, but my two and four year old drive me totally crazy on a daily basis. It is going to happen and I don't think that because Hope has a heart defect she will drive me any less crazy in the next year. You are a great mom and should never feel bad when you get frustrated.
I agree, as much as you have gone through you are still going to have times when you get frustrated. That is just the fun of raising children.
I completely agree with you! I have felt guilt many times and made myself take a deep breath and appreciate this moment for those that don't get the chance to handle their childrens bad behavior. I shouldn't feel that guilt but it creeps in occasionally. Thanks for posting this and pointing out that its OK to get frustrated!
AMEN mama! My HLHSer is almost 5, and I beat myself up with guilt every time I get frustrated with him or want a break… I do the whole, "I should be thankful he's even here – I have no right getting upset with him!" bit. It's a really difficult balance to find.